Goodbye my Lexie-Jane

Lexie

3/28/2007-10/3/2010

Today I sent Lexie to Heaven.
I had thought she would pass peacefully in her sleep some time from now, but it wasn't to be.
Thursday night Lex suddenly had terrible pain with certain movements.  Friday she went to the Vet and I couldn't help but feel it might have been the last time she saw her home.  She spent the weekend there on morphine, muscle relaxants and a few other drugs.  The doctors were hopeful and kept me updated regularly.  Things were sounding good until Sunday morning when I got the call from the Vet.  Lexie was in a lot of pain and none of the meds were working. 
It was time to say goodbye.
I wanted to bring her home so her last memories weren't of misery.
But the situation didn't make it possible for that to be.
So I asked that they get her as comfortable as possible, I didn't want her last moments to be in pain.
My mom drove up also which not only meant the world to me, but also to Lex.  My mom helped raise Lex and care for her over the years and I was thankful she was going to be there in her last moments.
I brought Lex's favorite dog bed and her first big girl collar which included her first heart shaped ID tag. 
The good old days when she was young and happy.


When the Vet brought her out she cried out in pain as she hurried to see us and I died a little inside.
Her tail still wagged furiously--though low and tight to her body with anxiety.
We took her in the back room and the Vet left to give us some time together.
I placed her bed in a ray of sunshine.  It would have been irresistable to Lex at home.
Lex was so miserable she couldn't even take comfort in our attention.  She just braced her head against my mom's leg as if it was her only way to cope.
I called the Vet back and as she brought in the meds Lex finally decided she would like to sit in her favorite bed after all.
That soothed my aching heart a little.
I held her rigid shaking body in my arms.  Her neck was locked in the only position that didn't cause her to cry out in pain and I prayed for mercy.
And then there was sweet relief.
Lex's body finally relaxed into my arms as she went to meet God.  For a moment--before her soul left, I had my old Lex back.  Relaxed in my lap-so content and peaceful.
And then she was gone.

I took her home to bury here on the hill next to Waylon.
All the dogs came to say their goodbyes.  They all seemed a little confused.
Ruger's tail wagged rapidly, low and fast.  He was so happy to see her yet uncertain about why she wasn't actually there.  He always loved Lex so much.
Tayla sat by her, telling her stories and Dessa came out to pet her soft coat.
We let her lay in the sunshine in her favorite dog bed until she was warmed all the way through.
It would have been just as she wanted it.
Then Casey carried her up the hill.
We put her favorite blanket over her body.
Casey tucked an old soft Frisbee from her younger years in next to her.
I added the purple stuffed elephant my mom had given her many years ago for her Birthday.
She loved that toy and had squeaked the thing until it broke.  I saved it all these years, I suppose for this day.
I also tucked in a couple treats and then we all gave her a few last kisses, pets and loving words.
And said our final goodbyes.

I have spent the day thinking back on my life with Lex.
13 1/2 years.
That's longer than I have lived with anyone other than my parents and brother.
That is my entire adult life minus one year.
I still remember the day my mom and I went to get her.  It was one of the happiest days of my life.  Like a dream come true--finally a dog of my own.
I had moved back home after a year in the cities and my parents were there to help me raise her.  She went almost everywhere with me.  At the time I was a groomer so she went to work with me and then when the weather was nice she would sit in my car while I took an evening college class.  She was the most beautiful little puppy with brilliant blue eyes and a beautiful silver coat.  She was pure sweetness with just the right amount of naughty mixed in.
She would eat things, like my pictures, or hairbrush, or my parents stink bait, and then throw it all back up.
She adored our family dog, an old Miniature Schnauzer, who pretended to be highly irritated with her but truly loved how she doted on him.
She was the most gentle dog ever.  She never bit anyone or even thought of trying.
She was smart and athletic and my best friend.
I loved her with all my heart.
We grew up together.  I, just starting out in the world, had a lot of learning to do and she got me through some bad times as well as some wonderful times.
We added Waylon, my first rescue, to our lives when Lex was a bit over a year.
She hated him at first.
I was heartbroken as I had gotten him as a companion for her while I was away at school and work.  At this time I lived in another town and my parents weren't around to help care for her during those long hours.
But eventually they grew to love each other dearly and my whole life revolved around the two of them.
Every day they were showered with attention.
It was a grand life for a dog.
Times changed and I moved around, changed boyfriends, jobs, career paths, and life goals--but Lexie--she was always there.
When I became pregnant with my first child I remember how close Lexie would stay to me on our walks.  It's like she wanted to take special care of me.  Her behavior was so touching to me that even today it warms my heart to remember it.
Children came and life got crazy.
Waylon passed away and Lex was content to spend most of her days curled up on the couch or a soft bed in a beam of sun on the floor, happy still to take long walks at my side.
She preferred to be left to her sleep most of the time unless there was food involved-and then she was willing to join the kids as clean up crew.
She was so quiet and maintenance free I feel sad thinking that life won't be so different without her here.
But then I realize no one will come magically running to clean up dropped food or the kid's spills.  No one will stand at the french doors when they are ready to come in and bark.
And I will miss the routine of letting her in.
Her hearing was bad so we couldn't call her from the front door.
Instead we had to wave our hand that we were coming and then she would run around to the front.

Though I am heartbroken that her last days were in pain and away from home, I'm glad she lived a full life.
It hurts to lose my dear friend, who was with me through so many of life's adventures. 
The ups,
the downs,
the all arounds.

Lex, please know I am sorry your last days were torture.
I would give anything to take that away.

Know I did my best for you and I love you, always and forever.
Near and far, heaven and earth, the same.
I will see you again someday.

ps--Tell Way hello.




Please click here to see Lexie's montage.